At night everything smells like roses, and it isn’t raining. But when you wake up, you know you’re just visiting. A tourist. It’s okay; that doesn’t mean your feet don’t hurt. But you walk on, eventually.
And years later, when you listen to certain albums, you can feel eternally linked to the places you were when you discovered them. And you can feel sick of them, sometimes, but that doesn’t mean the love isn’t there.
When you woke me up and I was dreaming in thick metaphorical surrender, messy consciousness and deep sobs and all, I immediately wanted to go back.
But every time, something pulls me out, and every time, I can’t forgive it. But I let it win.
Side 3.
Fitter Happier. Electioneering. Climbing Up the Walls. No Surprises.
OK Computer is not technically a concept album, but it’s an album – a work meant to be heard all together, in a row. What happens when it’s split into different movements, not even the standard two but four sides of a record, with three songs maximum fitting on each side? Turns out, despite the weight and sensory glee of the physical medium, this is an album born to be on CD: vinyl separates “Karma Police” from “Fitter Happier,” which is wrong.
That said…
___
Fitter Happier Getting along better with your associate employee contemporaries has its moments.
This computer-voiced checklist “song” now annoys me as a beginning. As a subset of Karma Police–fading up from the rush-hour drudgery of that catchy little number in which cool kids with Hitler Hairdos still denote what is and isn’t acceptable behavior, absorb us and then decimate us from inside the circle—it’s good. But now? Just get me through your fake computer voice to Electioneering, the song of guitar-loving madness that pulls no punches. Don’t even listen to the words.
___
Electioneering
“How can so many assholes like this album?” asks Jeannie, as we’re hiding underneath the counter in one of the big cubbyholes reserved for stacks of scratched vinyl rejects. It’s early in the shift, so it’s empty. She loves it, this record, she rolls around in it beneath starry nights and I am learning to do the same. We like to drive her truck to the coast or to closer but equally exotic spots like bridges and forest-thick parks, and normally in her truck we listen to old skate punk, Descendents, Superchunk. Sometimes it’s Journey for the fun of singing out loud. But also we both really, really love Radiohead right now. And we aren’t sure why everybody else loves it, too. All day long we answer inquiries from men who look like they’d rather slap us than listen to us, rich guys with convertible cars, drunk herds of boys in pastel collared shirts, housewives who probably haven’t paid their maids in months but are excited to drop $20 on a brand new compact disc they heard about on NPR and get one extra, for the kids.
“I don’t think they listen to the words,” I venture, burrowing deeper beneath the sightline of the growing line at the register.
“Yeah. Well. Nobody likes surprises,” she says.
___
Climbing up the Walls
The downright-mean-est thing about having a retail job is the double insult of Monday holidays. There you are, you’re at work, it’s Monday, a nice slow rainy only-middle-aged-men-who-buy-bargain-classical-records-come-in-today Monday. But it happens to be a holiday — perhaps the ironically named Labor Day, on which retail clerks battle it out behind the dusty counter, sleepily suggesting bestselling titles to office workers who are our age and here, set free for one glorious weekday of their lives, inexplicably in shorts in the 50 degree morning, inexplicably drawn to buy things at 10am. On Monday holidays, not only do you have to work: you’re slammed.
With three phone lines blinking and a post-it note already swimming in penciled titles to run out and check for, plus a line of at least 10 in-the-flesh music fans waiting to pay, I answer: “GoodmorningeverydaymusichowcanIhelpyou?”
“Oh, hello there,” Her voice is old. “Is this the recording store?”
“Yes, how can I help you?” Chop-chop, lady. I’m a machine here.
“I was wondering, you see, I was sitting here, and I’m trying to remember—I was wondering whether you know the name”—
“Are you looking for a certain album?” Chop-chop, spit it out already. Beep.
“Well I don’t know whether you know the name of that machine…”
“I’m sorry? Are you looking for a record?” Eyes roll, debit cards are being pawed as paying customer-feet shuffle.
“Well; ah, no. But I was wondering whether you might tell me the name of this device— it’s connected to the telephone.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m really busy right now, so if you’re not looking for a record I can’t help you. Did you try the library?”
This usually works. Older people still use the library. Pawn it off on someone else, someone not slammed.
“Yes well you see the library’s closed today. It’s Labor Day, you see.”
As I know all too well, and labor to find the last grain of servicing politesse left in me. “OK… well I’m not sure what you’re asking me here but I’m really busy so―”
“I can’t remember the name of…. it records messages.”
“What? Look, lady…”
”It answers the telephone when I can’t. What do they call that, I know it has a precise name…”
“Are you talking about voicemail? I’m sorry, I don’t understand…”
“Yes, well I just can’t seem to re—”
“OK, I’m sorry, I have to hang up now―”
More people now in line, in a hurry although they don’t have anywhere to go, lattes in hand and shorts freshly ironed and they don’t know why the rude tattooed girl at the counter keeps talking on the phone. Probably gossiping with some slacker friend. Eyes roll, chop-chop. Machines these days.
Somewhere, something goes forward and something goes backward and voices meet.
“It’s a machine, you see, and it answers your phone for you….?”
“An answering machine? Look, I have to hang up now, Goodbye, thanks for calling.”
“Yes, thank you, but are you sure―”
“―.”
I am saved from the line by the same labor laws that refuse to honor this day with a fucking paid day off for hourly workers: the Ten Minute Break.
___
No Surprises
Outside sitting on the doorstep by the back entrance I can stop for a breath and see her as she really is: alone, in a cheap rent-controlled studio apartment with the blinds closed, and she can’t call her daughters because they’re away at the river vacationing or something, and she can’t leave the house because she’s afraid she won’t remember where it is when she comes back, and perhaps her kitchen smells because she can’t clean it up, and perhaps she is unable to understand why she can’t remember what this little black box on her end-table is, she knows why it’s there and what it does, why it’s connected to her rotary phone by its grey thin cable that stretches delicately beneath the paper taped to the side of the device bearing emergency phone numbers written in the hand of her eldest child. And she knows that the nice lady at the library would know, and address her by name as Mrs. ______, but they don’t answer down there for some reason, even though it’s a Monday— oh it’s a holiday says the non-human voice who answers, and she’ll never understand why they don’t work on a day named for work—
When she was years ago, she went to marches on this day, yelling and flourishing and brandishing her mind, bringing down the reign of rules and those who hold them over us with every step.
She then remembers, because she does remember a lot of things, that they were always so helpful down at that little store on that street downtown when her and her husband used to shop there for vocal albums, and she calls them just wanting to know the name of the machine that answers.
And they answer. She is surprised.
But then the young lady is awfully rude, almost automatic, but Mrs. ______ doesn’t know why. Mrs. ____ only hopes the girl will know things she doesn’t anymore. As an answer she receives only confusing feelings: a shadow sense-memory of what it was once like to know these words, and a great tiredness at the intense effort involved in trying to recreate how she came to know things, like how does she know the way from the kitchen to the bedroom in the dark?
These senses, plus the feeling that someone is annoyed with her, someone doesn’t have time.
___
You don’t have to understand the words to feel them.
Side 2.
Exit Music (For a film). Let Down. Karma Police.
Downtown. Downtown. Downtown.
We forget this about OK Computer: it’s not that big. When you split it up side by side, it’s even less big. A small voice and acoustic strum is often a beginning.
Last night found you pressed close between bodies and backpacks. The buzz of impending hearing-damage, the vague eroticism of bass in your stomach. Live and in motion. Not alone.
But this morning you are fuzzy when you wake. Small-voiced and acoustic.
You open your eyes and see new things: a lamp not your own, grey light slowly fading up through windows in directions you aren’t familiar with, your jeans on the floor next to someone else’s. Stacks of books and CDs, but not the ones whose spines you’ve memorized. Car keys and a pile of floppy disks on a smooth light desk. A bit further beyond the reach of your focus: a bare wooden bathroom door. It’s been humming since it got light out, which was not long after you recall calling it a night with the fair-haired and passed-out person next to you in this bed. Now from the door there are sounds of splashes and flushes and voices and who-the-hell-knows-what, so you lie still until they abate, roll over, discover a large window next to your pillow. You wedge your face between the slats of the blinds and watch the neighborhood out the window.
House by house they arise, in tandem, armed with dog leashes and unbelted bathrobes, awakened to porches splayed open by routine. They all seem to understand, inherently, what time it is. They all seem to know, complicit, what day it is. Saturday. 10am. No office today. Weekend clothes. Active homeowning. The Subaru needs to be washed. The cats need to curl. Those lavender bushes need some pruning. Honey, can you run some errands before the game? I made a list. Young newlyweds next door don ironed jeans and clean college sweatshirts and untangle the hose from the hydrangeas. Across the street, a matched pair of retirees act like it isn’t the same as any other day and brave the porch-swing with newspapers and polyester slippers embroidered “Oma” and “Opa.”
You let the blinds snap back, remove the dead-weight of the arm around your waist, roll onto the floor next to your jeans. Kneeling, you excavate your shoulder bag, pick up chunky black shoes, stand in a rush of exploded blood cells, and make for the door.
__
What happens with this song is that it’s the second side of something, and it starts slow. Because it’s starting again, on its own mid-stride legs, it’s not the relax-out you might expect, the breath of programming after the roughed-up mania of what preceded. What happens is what happens when you put something first that isn’t usually first: exit music, for a film. The film is the narrative truth-cliché, the morning after, the way we pack and leave. The twist is when we tire of it:
Now we are one, in everlasting peace, we hope that you choke.
___
___
The next scene is against and with the movement as a whole.
While you are tasting the dirt of the previous day in your tongue, others are scrubbed and ready to shop.
The bed you woke up in is located in a small residential neighborhood, but it is not far from where you work. From the bathroom to the living room to the door you walk. Put shoes on in the driveway. Turn a corner just a minute and end up downtown and remember you do not live this type of life. You have commuted in shortcut: you know the right coffee place, but you didn’t travel to get there.
When you pass the first office building, empty as a weekend pause-button, you feel the beat pick up, hinting at darkness. You’ve stepped out of a fantasy experience of strangeness, exotic and rhythm-driven novelty, dangerous risk. And you’ve found yourself out on a familiar street, deep inside the drab realization that you are not lost. Better luck next time. You have to go to work.
Maybe if you were in a car, like everyone else, commuting at appropriate hours, in fresh-pressed cotton, on bridges and over highways, not under them. You’re coming, walking, working. They’re going, speeding, shopping. It’s the reverse-commute of the other half: we who live schedules in opposition to the flow of urban traffic. It’s being the only one on the bus on their way to work, and not going home. It’s realizing that doesn’t make you different, actually. You wish you could change your tshirt, but instead you fall into the trickle of people on the sidewalk. Disappointed people. When you arrive and you punch in at the clock in the office, you wish you could really just punch it.
___
___
This was when we didn’t all have computers in our bedrooms.
This is when we talk about the era.
Remember: we thought it was going to be something, the turn of the century. Remember when this was our fear?
If the progress of the songs on OK Computer can be read as a the musical denouement of the last millennium, if tracks like “Let Down” and “Electioneering” indicated a weariness of soul, a sarcastic self-aware somberness that embodies a generation stuck between computers and telephones, between analog and digital – if that, then “Karma Police” is when we really fucked up. It’s when we decided we were cool.
It starts normally enough, like we’re in the 90s: Everyone is going to or from work. Scraggly young people with the previous night’s exploits still on their breath are opening small stores, white paper coffee cups in hand. We sell goods there, but we don’t actually change anyone.
We sit on the loading dock behind the store and smoke cigarettes sometimes, watch our brothers and sisters across the street.
Across the street, other young people are building the era: monetizers in sneakers and shoulder bags and clothes bought new are opening glass doors in what once were buildings that housed goods. They are entering rooms full of tables and screens, incongruously lined up beneath walls made of brick and mortar. They talk about goods there but they don’t actually touch anything.
An acoustic guitar in an insatiable strum, a beat, sounds like alternative rock when it was an alternative to something.
Later, in the next millennium, we can try to join them. We can jump in and out, between the across-the-street existences, and we can feel how easy it is, to re-create the clock. We can make nouns into verbs if we want to, let the songs play themselves. The other young people look over at us, and they love us and desire us and they don’t see us at all. They smile like a cat and gesture to the brick, the glass, the shoulder bags, the lack of touching. They say, This is what you’ll get:
You get to join the club, be on payroll, walk forward knowing we stand in your blindspot at all waking moments.
___
The person you left behind in the clean bedroom around the corner is off the clock, still sleeping. It’s the weekend and the world is being built around you.
He’s not gonna call.
___
___
So you take back the guitar, the marching-forward progress of everything bass, pull it back in the mix and echo out with a high song:
For a minute there, I lost myself.
Strings would be appropriate here, inside your reckoning.
A hum and Oh of Greek-like chorus in song behind you.
The Ah and Eh of what is fast also becoming programmed: synthesized.
Sirens break it up as they always do, but the sirens are coming from inside the house. We are clearly moving towards digital.
I’m going to listen to this record on headphones. The perfect album to accompany motion is one that is also best appreciated with left-right separation, with your brain acting as the literal division between. On vinyl, OK Computer has 4 sides, and I’m going to isolate my head inside one side a day for the next four days. Come on in:
But first it starts with the sound of strings as though they’re being played by an electric guitar. Then the drums: the drummer who sounds like the most human machine ever built, a beat that demands action. Driving even in light moments. Sound. Things break clean when he sings.
__
In the bathroom, the light from the afternoon sun sneaks through the half-open blinds while I’m showering. It’s always a battle, with the blinds. The sparkling pattern of hot water downstreaming in sunslants is so alluring that I leave the blinds open, even though that means the people across the alley, the ones with the fence-gnawing dog, can see me naked. But really, who’s looking up to the fourth floor at three in the afternoon on a weekday in residential Portland, Oregon? Everyone’s at work.
In the walk-in closet, I stand naked and clean and survey the wreckage. On the left, tremendous piles of records, some stacked horizontally in flat piles — the bad way to store vinyl, says my former roommate Dave — and some neatly rowed against the wall. On the right, the CDs, probably about a thousand now. Not that I count. Book-ending the CDs are, appropriately, the books, in precarious stacks that bleed over into the vinyl’s territory. Way in the back of the closet are the clothes, thrown not folded, on a small collapsible bookshelf. I stare helplessly at the clothes. They look a little forlorn, as possessions go, not sure where they fit in. “Not today for you, guys,” I apologize, turn around, default to the ratty jeans lying crumpled on the floor. Threadbare tank top, cracked old belt, black chunky kicks—my uniform.
Back in the diffusing steam of the bathroom, I flip down the toilet lid and stand on it. Perched on top, you can balance with one foot on the toilet and one on the rim of the tub and just barely catch a cropped view in the mirror of the space between your hips and your shoulders. I suck in my stomach, I make it flush with the jeans. Lift up the shirt a little. Look. Check it out: Yup, still skinnier than before, still didn’t get fat again overnight. It’s always a battle, with the fear. The key is to hop down from the toilet seat before you exhale and the small cushion of flesh relaxes into its usual over-the-belt slump.
In the bedroom/living-room/kitchen, the alarm clock on the floor says, brilliantly, in digital Don’t-Ignore-Me-Young-Lady red: 3:37pm. Fuck.
Grab the to-go cup of coffee (cold but I’ll get more downtown), the cigarettes from the table, the water bottle in the messenger bag, the keys in my pocket with the lighter, the walkman in the bag, chapstick, pen. Glasses check, wallet check, key check, bus quarters, ready.
Door, slam, keys, top lock, bottom lock — and it’s all taken about two minutes too long.
Charge down the grungy hallway, smell the dollar-store incense air, and wince at the fluorescent green glow. Through the two fire doors, down the three flights of stairs, and as the front door slowly hinges shut, the light at the crosswalk turns red. Across the street, the #14 Hawthorne pulls up.
But if you run for it here, they sometimes stop for you.
___
Radiohead’s OK Computer wasn’t an album I particularly loved, or even owned, until 2000, three years after it came out. At the time I worked, mostly pulling the 4pm-midnight shift, at a large general-interest record store in downtown Portland. I had resisted OK Computer because everyone seemed to like it just a bit too much. I mistrusted it: too popular, in the way that things can seem too popular when you watch large groups of people mindlessly acquiring them all day long. But my coworker Kevin kept pressing it on me, telling me that this sound, as experienced through headphones, is going to change my worldview, dude, seriously, major label or not, these guys have something – and he finally brought in a dubbed cassette tape of it for me to tote around in my old Walkman with the lid falling off of it.
Kevin was right – I slipped on my headphones on the bus one afternoon on the way to work and I was immediately blown … out. By these sounds, this perfect messy new pop, a sad and epic and incredible production value that I’d somehow never appreciated on store stereo systems or in other un-isolated places I’d overheard it.
The album became the only one I kept on my person at all times, and when I upgraded to a CD walkman I gave Kevin back his tape and stole a scratched-up used copy of the disc from work. In these beginning months of Portland I was often too poor or claustrophobic to take the bus, and too young to remember that bicycles existed, so I was often in transport – walking and bussing around the small cloud-sheltered city. It was in transport that this album became the sound of me, moving, usually slowly, from one place in my new life to another.
___
On the bus I sit, clutching coffee and walkman and bag, next to a very large sweaty man who can’t really contain himself on his side of the seat. A thin, plain woman in a matching denim dress and hat gets on just before the Hawthorne bridge. She sits directly behind the driver. I look her up and down — she’s jittery, alternately glancing to the back of the bus and dipping her small hands into her large purse every few seconds, pulling out something, unwrapping, nibbling nervously on it. As the woman starts to speak to the driver, I turn down my walkman to listen in.
“OMIGOD! I can’t believe it! It’s like, the more I keep eating candy, the more candy there is! Omigod! It’s SO MUCH.”
She squeals and gasps, almost orgasmic. She smacks loudly as she chews her candy, returns to her purse, starts rifling through it, searching desperately for something. She looks back at the bus, at me, at the gutterpunk boys in the very back seat. Out again at the window, the river, the slice of the driver’s eyes in the rearview mirror. He’s waiting.
“No I don’t think so No! SHIT! No, yeah, NO I paid okay I paid? I SWEAR. Oh fuck. Fuck. Just, just ― can I ride until 5th? We have to hurry, they might be here soon.”
In the rearview mirror, the driver gives a placating, dismissive nod. The Candy Woman is forgiven for not having a transfer.
I tighten my grip on my coffee, my Radiohead, my own wrist. The sign above my seat says, “Please Hold On.”
Light clouds over bridges fade into windows and houses, the world is flat and clean, the humans are broken and small and I am a long way from New York City.
___
When I arrived in Portland, I was fresh from a haze of college dropout years in New York and looking for somewhere quiet to rest before I could reckon with jumping back in to the manic affair that was my relationship with the City. But when I arrived, I found I didn’t know how to walk in this new and bright environment. The geography of cities that were not New York was not familiar. I hadn’t left the canyons and cramps of Manhattan in years, except directly, on airplanes. There were no people on the sidewalks dictating my pace, no subways beneath us rumbling at regular intervals. The buildings were short. From the distinctly Western houses, each separated from one another by space and sky, roses dripped over porches to litter lawns and sidewalks; even what they called “downtown” smelled like raindrops on flowers. I couldn’t smell a thing, I wanted to leave right away, I hoped I’d never leave.
It was quiet.
And in that quiet, I put music. I sold music. I carried music around. I put music on my head in the daytime and in my belly at night, pressing close to club stages as tightly as possible, waiting to feel it in my organs. So much music. Piles of music, like never before. And in that music, I learned again how to move.
I walked everywhere. My days were music videos, filmed in live tracking shots between my black foam headphones. The music I found in Portland moved my body, my senses, into a slower state. A visual reckoning that pushed out the havoc of survival that had become my dily rhythm in New York and allowed room for pacing myself. For working hard but not desperately. For stepping back for just a few yards to witness, from the outskirts of the Pacific Northwest, our great ongoing millennial folly. My body would move and change. I walked and I changed.
___
I was born again.
___
___
In the second half of your shift, you get in a rhythm, making your piles of takes and rejects and keeping the beat to the hum around you. You pick up the CD and a glance at the cover art instinctively dials up its artist, title, and salability from somewhere deep in the alphabet of your brain; you hold the jewel box by its topsides, between thumb and index finger; you swing the plastic cover open with a twist of the wrist; pop out the disc with your middle finger in the hole and your thumb on the rim; flip it over in a flash of reflective silver; tilt it beneath the light to scan for scratches; make the call; slam it back into its tray. You flip shut the lid with one hand, and relegate the thing to its proper stack: These we can’t use right now, These would be a quarter each, Two bucks for these ones, Four for the best. Cash and trade’s the same. Did you wanna look around first?
___
Somewhere in the middle there is a rush: An afternoon on a weekend, a whiny one needing help, or the dissonant crashbang of clutter,
Stop this noise, you think.
You think, When I am king you will be first against the wall.
Thom Yorke’s lyrics are, upon closer inspection, surprisingly literal.
Which doesn’t mean he doesn’t grate even when he whines. But he should be grating, after all; the fuzz and the layers this song is built on are worthy of their slight dissonance, like the clamor of that city you miss, like the way the sky clears only at night where you are, the way the crisp beats break clear in a chunky rock guitar hook, the sheer grunge of it all that makes the whining mean something.
___
Solos that don’t match mend themselves into angels singing, as clouds move over the valley of us, and then I was back at work.
___
__
Later, after closing up and doing the drawers and the trash and the checking of the alarm, Jeannie told me about her aliens. We watched the sky as dark as pine trees above us in her truck’s camper shell in a parking lot up some hill and I thought it seemed likely, up here. More than in California. The skies have a particular sheen and they are like angels and up here, in the northwest way, they can be singers.
___
___
The idea is, this is all the experience I go through in my head, deeming what you might just think of as a bus ride, or a day.
The skyline was beautiful on fire all twisted metal stretching upwards …
You grabbed my hand and we fell into it like a daydream or a fever
Then the guitars come in.
Slow-builds are the currency these children of northern landscapes favor. Maybe it’s to do with the skies norther and bigger, or the nights colder, or the capability of cultures even ever so slightly different than American to take a teeny bit more time with their climaxes. Whatever the reason for their capability to build and rise and fall musically, it is “F-sharp A-sharp Infinity”, this album, live and smoking, that Godspeed You! Black Emperor will be playing when our cities burn and it is this band, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, who will still echo through canyons when we are no longer bound by squares and steel.
Or at least that’s how it felt two days ago, when I wasn’t in urban canyons and instead was in real ones. GY!BE albums are always a soundtrack to something, but most often when I hear them or choose to put them on the stereo it is because I want to accompany the epic ups and downs of cities, car trips, rush hours, the sunset behind the façade of the apartment building across the street, the scary sense when the night is nothing but sirens that this could be the end of us. Their songs are mostly wordless and feature a lot of different melodies – guitars thin and phat, distorted and chorusy and unplugged, fast and slow. The drone of the slow rise to a cohesive melody that just builds and builds and then explodes into crystalline clarity, washing clean the mishmash ruin of all that screams around us in these daily urban lives. They make noise that is pretty and varied and always, even in its jokiest or rough moments, always epic. I don’t listen to them often anymore, and when I do I listen for the symphony of my daily life.
But two days ago I wasn’t here and I wasn’t listening to anything. I was in the mountains, teetering on hungry lungs at 10,000 feet up, and the sky around me was so thin it conducted sound faster than down here in town, it amplified space in new ways, it was quiet but every thing I did felt loud. My friends and I, on a backpacking trip in the Sierra, talking and joking and crunch crunch crunching our blistered feet across rocks of every hue, between slides of snow and shale, above and inside and perched on the lip of a lake drowned between mountains, reflecting us up at ourselves over every pass. Yeah, no city here.
I want to write all the things people always like to write about being in “nature” and how it is different than not being in nature. About how coming back it takes a day or two for all the walls we live by to seem regular again — the way everything is enclosed and squared off in towns, the noise having so much to bounce against and the way in which the sounds and grinds of the city are my accustomed spacial soundtracks.
At night everything was blue, but first it was the color of fish jumping up rivers, and then it was the color of slate tumbling down after you step on it, and then it was blue. Stars bigger than the continents from which we run to them. Violins couldn’t do better than this.
We woke up one morning and fell a little bit more down.
In the morning on the lake the world was light and new-gray before the sun rose over the pass. Everything around felt both thin and immovable, granite strewn like children’s toys across the valley displaying the whim and violence of eras. Once the sun came, announcing its arrival with a rapid rollback of shadows that swept across the basin like a wave, there was nothing to do but join in. Rise, sleepy, wash in snow’s drippings, shiver and laugh and hear your daily routine bounce down the river and away.
To return from silence, from physical intimacy involving only elements, from the pause-button simultaneity of this natural landscape: simple/majestic; cold/hot; up/down; quiet, loud, quiet. To return feels messy and imperfectly composed. To return to cracked sidewalks not cracked boulders, to brakes squeaking not bats squeaking, to the messy crude beauty of the cities we’ve built seems callous. Everything seems callous. I want to hear the rocks fall.
So I put on this record in the morning before work, trying to sound-track my way back into the life I’ve chosen, into the locked groove, in this destructive and ridiculous and ugly city I’ve helped build. This destructive and ridiculous and ugly city I also love. And I listen for the composition, the sound, the arrangements that illustrate what guitars and amplifiers think it sounds like when a skyline falls. When it’s gone, maybe we will all hear better. Maybe we’ll be blue again.
